YOU GOT A PROBLEM. WE BOTH KNOW IT.

That laser pointer you bought? Sleepin’ with the fishes. That luxury scratching post? Forget about it.

Your cat hasn’t touched a toy since the Great Kibble Heist of ’24. You’re just the Human ATM paying for a toy graveyard while he plots your “accidental” trip down the stairs.

One quiz. Two minutes.

Take the quiz →

Find out what it takes to make the Boss an offer he can’t refuse — or at least one he won’t puke on.

The Catnip Cartel crew
Straight talk: No toy is guaranteed — cats are cats. These are the best matches based on what cats like yours have actually responded to.